The Three Levels

Do your thoughts actually create your reality? What is reality anyway? Why do two seemingly rational people with different opinions dig their heels in the mud and demand that each is right? What causes us to be so certain in our outlook in such an uncertain world? Is our need to be “right” so strong that we refuse to entertain another’s opinion?

 

There are three levels of spiritual and personal growth that each of us sides with. Let’s take a closer look at each and see where we fit.

 

The first level is the need to be right. Sure, we all want to be right because at an early age we are faced with punishment for being wrong. I am going through this with my five and seven year old today. When they obey that get rewarded, when they disobey, they get punished. They are very impressionable when young. As they grow, they will continue to face those same reward/punishment scenario played out not as much by their parents, but more by their teachers, friends, spouses, bosses, customers, medical professionals, and media personalities? Life usually gets easier when you are more right than wrong. But can we take our desire to be right to far? Our mastery of energy has caused our world to change at an accelerated rate. Man has been built to survive against the elements and the dangers of the wild. Not so with dealing in today’s environment. All of these high-speed computers, mobile web access and constant mental stimulation can be difficult to handle. We are hardwired more for running from an attacking boar than stressing over the bosses deadline. So what has this got to do with being right? Everything. Being wrong can be as stressful in today’s overloaded informational environment than ever before. Information isn’t a static event anymore, it is dynamic. So how does a brain more set up to deal with simple survival deal with so much knowledge exposure? Many of us I think deal with it as simply picking an opinion, sift through the vast array of information until we come up with opinions to reinforce our own. Since you can literally connect to millions of people through the internet, it isn’t hard to find someone who agrees with you. Find enough people and your ideas solidify to a point where you begin to dismiss anything or anyone who disagrees with your ideas. I had a friend of mine tell me which television stations to watch and which ones are too liberal/conservative and should be avoided.

 I also find it hard at times to listen to opinions of others that I strongly disagree with, but I force myself to listen and ask questions. Because I know that my opinions are based on past gatherings of information and since our world is changing at such a rapid pace, those opinions may not hold the water as well as it once did. I have another friend who complains about his golf game. He struggles and complains every time he plays. I decided to get involved and express my opinion. I mentioned that maybe taking a lesson would help. He told me that he knew what he was doing wrong. I asked him what he thought the problem was and he told me it was with his swing. He said he knows this because he watches the golf channel. I asked him why he didn’t just correct the problem then? He replied that it was because his body wouldn’t allow him too. I watched his swing and he was right. My body wouldn’t let me swing a club like him either. In retrospect I wondered why I decided to stick my nose in his business. He wasn’t asking me for my opinion, but that didn’t stop me from giving it.

I don’t think these two people are much different from the majority of us. We can’t look at every aspect of a disagreement between opinions, but we must not dismiss another’s view as wrong for the mere fact that we disagree with it on the surface. Wayne Dyer said in one of his books to “stay a beginner.” However that seems counter-intuitive to us doesn’t it? We are supposed to excel. To achieve excellence in our chosen endeavor. After all, isn’t that where the awards and goodies rest?  To stay a beginner doesn’t mean to not improve, it means being open to change. Tiger Woods, one of the best golfers in the world has been working on changing his swing. Us amateurs would never think of changing our swing, but Tiger has realized that his body is changing as he ages and he must make compensations to continue to play his best. Sure, it takes time for the different swing to take hold, but he is patient. He knows that it will eventually. My father took a golf lesson years ago and he went out to play. He shot the worse game of his life and immediately reverted back to his old ways. He couldn’t take playing poorly for a short time in order to improve his game in the long run. He blamed the pro, saying this swing didn’t work for him. I used to play chess competitively years ago and I won the 1988 Virginia State Amateur. I was the best Amateur player in the State that year. That has been over 20 years ago. Today I play chess online and I don’t study the game like I used too. I am losing more often and since I can’t see my opponent, I wonder if I am playing against a chess computer. Sometimes I am, but the reality is my skills are not what they used to be but my ego won’t accept that. It wants to win like it did 20 years ago. Our demand to be right, to win tends to supercede our realizations that when we aren’t making the progress we want so we find something or someone to blame. The fault unfortunately rests with us and once we can admit that, is when we can work on correcting it. “She drives me nuts. If he would just do such and such then I wouldn’t get so upset.” How many times do we hear of have said something similar? What we are saying is: “I will only be happy when you change.” That sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? It is saying I don’t have any power of whether I am happy or not. You have all the power.

My last podcast was about a baby eagle who lost his balance in the nest and fell into a pig sty. He looked around and all he saw were pigs. He thought that he must be a pig also since after all, he was in mud with them. He then compared himself to the other pigs and he saw himself as a scrawny pig being laughed at by the others. He ignored his innate desire to fly, because of the opinions of the others. They laughed at him when he tried and so he gave up.

When you are afraid to sing your own unique song for fear of rejections from your friends, or when you define yourself as a salesman, plumber or doctor and you hate your job but you continue doing it because that is “all I know” you are existing in the first stage or level one.

 

The second stage or level 2 – is to not have to defend your opinion. It is not being married to what you believe. This seems to be the death knell for politicians, but it should be admired that a man in public service can admit that the information he was apprised of early was incorrect or incomplete and now with more facts, his opinion on how to handle the issue has changed. Hurrah! To be in the second stage means having the realization that others have different opinions and the knowing that their opinions have merit even though they may run contrary to yours. You don’t agree with them, but you don’t hate them or feel anger toward them because their ideas differ. This is one of toughest leaps we all face. We are so ingrained to believing our way is the right way that it takes a lot of will power to admit that we may be wrong and wrong means vulnerable. It opens up the chance of someone calling you stupid. We remember those childhood days don’t we when someone would call you stupid because you didn’t perform well on a test or on the playground. No one likes to be called stupid or an idiot, moron. But those names have a lot of power over us and we fear that someone will use them against us. Why are we so afraid of showing ignorance? I think because deep down we know we are in some aspects. No one knows it all. The problem is we all are ignorant or stupid in something, be it politics, car repair, business decisions, playing a game or even a sport. The world is just moving too fast, the technological pace is moving so fast that no one can keep up with the information and that means some people will have access to information that others are lacking. Does that make you stupid? The definition of stupid is “lacking ordinary quickness and keenness of mind.” As I grow older, I can’t think as quickly as I used too. In my youth, I could play an excellent game of speed chess. Now I unfortunately lose more games than before because it takes me more time to incorporate all the possible combination of moves. So, to the chess world I guess I am slowly becoming stupid. Do I quit playing a game I’ve enjoyed for 50 years because I’m a little slower at it? No. Do I get aggravated? Yes.  Playing the game or doing anything because you enjoy it regardless of the opinions of others is moving into the second stage of life, or level 2.

        So how do you handle the opinions of other about some declining ability to play speed chess, golf, even work? It is not allowing other to label you. I had a discussion with another friend about politics the other day and I listened to his opinions and thought about each point he made. I then offered my opinion, oops and made my case. His reply? I was all wrong and that I am nothing but a pollyanne and a cynic. Only because I didn’t agree with him, I had to be labeled. He would have said stupid, but I think he probably felt that would have gone too far. Am I a pollyanne? A cynic? Maybe, but the name calling was his way to get me to come over to his side of thinking and if I didn’t he had a box to put me in. This is how we pretend to protect ourselves against other’s opinions we don’t like. We say, “What does he know? After all he’s a “you fill in the blank.”

Nazi Germany blamed all their economic troubles on people who chose to practice Judaism. They weren’t Jews. They were Germans who practice the religion known as Judasim. Anyone can practice Judaism if one wants. You aren’t born Jewish, you may have been born into a family that practices the Jewish faith, but that is only a choice. The more the German people agreed that the “Jewish” people were to blame the more they convinced themselves of them being right. They all were tuned into the same channel. Had they been in the second stage, instead of looking for someone or something to blame for their economic problems, they would have searched for solutions to the problems and even consulted their Jewish neighbors for their input on how to work together. The blame game continues to this day. The names are the only thing that has changed. Liberal or Conservative.

        Can you listen to each side of a debate and be willing and open to change your opinion if the opposite side brings information you didn’t have? Can you just rethink your stance on an issue no matter what it is – Would you be able to change your religious beliefs if what you believe no longer serves you? Those are tough questions to ponder, but necessary because being able to open yourself to new ways of thinking signals the first step in to level 2. Greater awareness of what you think today may not serve you tomorrow. You become less attached to your beliefs. This doesn’t apply only to politics or religion. It can be toward an argument with your child, maybe he is right and you’re the one in error. Can you admit that to him? Maybe your boss is wrong and you’ve listened to her side, but each time you bring up a conflicting idea, she dismisses you. Do you really want to continue making money for her?  Not being so attached to your opinions and ideas of the world is where you enter level 2. It won’t be easy, because people will see you as “wishy-washy” or just plain wrong because you changed your mind on some issue. After all, it is your opinion and your choice rather to share it or not.

       

The third level or stage – Non-attachment.

        This is a level found in many of the Eastern teachings. Most of our sorrows are tied to our attachment to people, to ideas and things that no longer serve us. We define ourselves by our work, our looks, intelligence, and maybe the car we drive. If you define yourself by your work, then who are you when you retire? Are you going to have plastic surgery to maintain your looks? What happens when you can’t play speed chess as well anymore, quit? Do you really enjoy riding around in a tiny sports car when a bigger family sedan is more comfortable?

        Can you be a peace accepting that the way you have lived your life is doing the best you could each moment. Knowing that mistakes were only actions taken with inadequate information. Having the presence of mind to know that going or not going to Heaven is something – “I’ll face when I have too” and not let it worry you constantly. I have noticed some of my friends as the get older, began to get religion. My father was never much of a religious man, but when my mother died, he had a religious fervor I had never seen before. I couldn’t help but wonder if it was because he sincerely believed or simply afraid?

        The final stage as Richard Bach put it in his book Illusions. “I allow the world to live as it chooses and I allow myself to live as I choose.”

        How many times do we find ourselves giving our opinions on an issue? The question is why do we feel the need to express our limited beliefs? Is it because we need buy-in to increase our confidence in what we think? Yes, I believe it is. No one discusses the sun coming up tomorrow. No one ever says, “I believe that tomorrow morning the darkness will disappear because the sun will reappear.” People would think you’re nuts if you started that line of discussion. Of course it is going to rise.

Giving your opinion without being asked is showing that you are looking for agreement. It is saying I don’t fully believe in what I am thinking and I want you to believe it too so I will feel better. If no one specifically asks for your opinion, then don’t give it, or better yet, tell them “I don’t have an opinion.” Even if they do. Usually, I’ve notice that no one asks your opinion, because they are usually too busy giving you theirs. At the third stage, you let them. You can think they are totally wrong and misinformed, but it’s not your job to correct them. You don’t correct them because you know that it is only their opinion and you might learn something you didn’t know. If they are telling you their opinion without you asking, you know they are probably trying to convince themselves that they are right. They are seeking agreements in order to reinforce their stance. No one gives an opinion on if the sun will rise tomorrow. We all know that to be fact, so why discuss it?

        Those who walk the third stage see’s the world from a perspective very different from the rest. They experience life without getting bogged down in the day-to-day affairs. They know that the past is only a memory, the future is only a hope and there is nothing they truly can experience except the present. A present is usually referred to as being given a gift. That is exactly what you have been given, the gift of life. Don’t throw today away because of an opinion that may or may not have merit. The third stagers will compete in sports just as hard, but if they lose they will smile knowing that they enjoyed the competition. Winning isn’t what defines them. They are passed all that. If some of their friends leave them behind, they know it is okay, because they will make new ones. Third stagers move through life knowing that things happen for a reason. They see coincidences as a part of the mystery of life unfolding and they know they are somehow connected.

        There is an old saying about Taoism. There are those who hear the Tao and practice it, but then forget about it. There are those who practice the Tao and follow it and there are those who laugh at the Tao. If they didn’t laugh at it, it wouldn’t be the Tao. The same can be said for living in the third stage, you may try it for awhile, but feel it is not yet time, or you may practice it and be laughed at, or you may be doing the laughing, but that doesn’t make it any less real.